why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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