...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
