He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
