so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
