Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
