In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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