Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
