I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
