paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
