She's JV to your varsity
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
