I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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