Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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