dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
