just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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