do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
