Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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