Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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