May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
