the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
