So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
