She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im six kinds of drunk right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
