Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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