I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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