Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry about my life...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
