so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
