You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
