No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
