i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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