my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
