My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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