loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
