I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
