and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
