i jhust puked up my retainher.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
