do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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