he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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