So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
