Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
