I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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