dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
