420 ftw
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I looked at my own cervix.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
