real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
