I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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