I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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