I want you more than these girls want KFC
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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