WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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