Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
