no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
