you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just pynch a tree in the face
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
