if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You did what with his pubic hair?
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