So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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