If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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