well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
