there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
